REVIEW: KFC Mashed Potato Poppers

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When it comes to ubiquitous fast-food joints, there’s one place I always pass by, but… well, usually pass on, and that’s KFC.

I don’t know what it is. I like KFC. I grew up loving KFC, but I never crave KFC.

It just hasn’t done much to get me excited over the past decade plus. Its chicken sandwich was good enough, and I dug the little snack wraps that come and go, but outside of those, I can’t remember the last time I genuinely wanted KFC. Gimmicky Double Downs and wet nuggets didn’t excite me, but for some reason, the new Mashed Potato Poppers instantly grabbed my attention.

I’m a mark for any new potato product. I could sit here and explain all the preparations for potatoes I enjoy like a regular Benjamin Buford Blue, but we have word limits.

That said, potatoes are arguably the most versatile food on Earth, and it’s rare for something to hit the market that I’m unfamiliar with.

Mashed Potato Poppers are essentially what they sound like: clumps of mash fried into a crispy little ball. They exist somewhere between a tot and a croquette – at least, they should.

Calling these potato croquettes would be stolen valor, something ol’ Harland Sanders knows plenty about.

My poppers were anything but poppin’.

I expected a warm, crispy shell with a smooth mashed potato filling, but what I got was a crusty, bland fritter with an arid blotch of porous potato inside. Of the five in my order, I would say two were promising.

I see the vision. I think these are probably kinda good if eaten in the right occasion. Mine may have sat around a bit too long. I used the app on the way over to the restaurant (at a red light, relax) and didn’t arrive for another 3-5 minutes … which, come on, is not exactly a long time, but something tells me these actually “pop” if eaten immediately from the fryer.

When I think of KFC mashed potatoes, I think of powder mix. They might not prepare them that way, but I’m not even opposed. I have great nostalgia for KFC mashed potatoes. I expected these things to burst with a wet, goopy potato paste, but alas, mine were dry.

The poppers are served with a cup of gravy for dipping, and I’ll just say that gravy is trash. I had great memories of KFC gravy too, but this was just watery sewage runoff that absolutely did not enhance the poppers.

I’m willing to chalk my experience up to premature ordering, but I gotta score ‘em how I got ‘em. There’s no reason to ever get these over a fry or a wedge or even a side of mashed potatoes, but I still think you should try them on the off-chance I just got a bad batch.

I don’t think Mashed Potato Poppers are long for the menu, but I’d love to see the Colonel attempt some corn fritters in this style next.

Purchased Price: $3.00
Size: 5 Poppers
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (5 Poppers w/o gravy) 200 calories, 10 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 921 milligrams of sodium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Keebler Harry Potter Butterbeer Fudge Stripes

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Keebler’s new Butterbeer Fudge Stripes are the first Harry Potter-themed confection I’ve tried since a traumatizing run-in with a box of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Bean, so needless to say, I was trepidatious.

It’s hard to Obliviate your first earwax-flavored Jelly Belly. Just thinking about those cursed beans makes me freeze up in fear as if I were struck by the Immobulous charm. Yeah, I’ve seen the movies, folks. I know spells, at least like six of them. I didn’t read a single word of the books, but I know spells! Uh… Oculus Reparo! See?

I know you can see because I just fixed your glasses.

Anyway, despite being a fan of the Potter films, I’ve never actually had Butterbeer. I’ve had butterscotch. I’ve had butter rum, but that’s the extent of my forays into Butter *insert type of booze here.* I honestly don’t even really know much about the flavor profile of Butterbeer, so I wasn’t sure what to expect-O PATRONUM! Remember that one?!

Ya know, I gotta hand it to the elves, be it tree or house, we got ourselves a nice little collab here. Ernie met Dobby, and they baked up a solid little cookie.

These biscuits, for my British friends, reek of a Waffle Crisp-style cereal, but there’s no maple because Butterbeer IS butterscotch. I think. Perhaps my muggle brain can’t comprehend the subtle differences, but for all intents and purposes, these Quidditch goal-shaped rings taste like butterscotch. I assumed there’d be something a bit more foreign that tasted new to me, but I wasn’t disappointed.

The cookie base is the familiar Fudge Stripe sans fudge stripes, but instead piped with a white Butterbeer(scotch) icing.

As you know, Fudge Stripes are named after Cornelius Fudge, the thirty-second Minister of Magic, and Sorkelport Stripes, a legendary Hogwarts professor that I just made up. It is ultimately they who inspired this snack sorcery, and I think Keebler did them proud.

If you’re not a butterscotch lover, don’t worry, the flavor isn’t as pronounced as the classic hard candies. I’d say it exists in the same sweetness realm as dulce de leche and salted caramel fare we’ve become accustomed to, with these almost pushing “too sweet” but still quite indulgent and enjoyable for a cookie or three. Dare I say good enough to Expelliarmus anyone trying to steal one.

By now, it’s quite apparent – I know my Potter, huh?! Well, maybe not enough to decipher what I’m supposed to be seeing on each cookie, but these do seem to have fun little Wizarding World-specific designs that get swallowed up in the icing, so that’s fun, I guess.

I’d consider these a success, and I like to believe Harry, Hermoine, and… whatshisface would definitely buy a pack from the Hogwarts Express trolley.

It’s also nice to see butterscotch getting a little shine with all this butterbeer stuff hitting shelves. It’s a nice change of pace flavor that’s rarely seen outside of grandma’s candy dish.

Ron! His name is Ron. How could I forget Ron, that’s just Riddickulus! (Six. Told ya.)

Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 9.5 oz package
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 Cookies) 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 70 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar (including 8 grams of added sugar), and 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Chips Ahoy Blondie Baked Bites

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Normally, I’d start my review of Chips Ahoy Blondie Baked Bites with a thin pop culture reference that I’d kinda relate back to the product, but I’m too miffed to have fun right now.

So, my apologies, Debbie Harry, I won’t be using any famous Blondie lyrics to express my opinions. Sorry, Dagwood, I won’t be making a cutesy reference to your wife, the eponymous Blondie’s famous comic strip, because I just have to get down to brass tacks and warn the masses.

I’m not even gonna bury the lede anymore, folks, I almost gave Chips Ahoy Blondie Baked Bites my first 0 out of 10.

Look, before I start, I just wanna say I actually enjoy Chewy Chips Ahoy, and I’ve loved every blondie I’ve ever had. It’s a golden brownie! Cool, nice change of pace, sign me up… but these… man…

In each baggie, you get a handful of little squares they call “Baked Bites,” but they’re really “Clay Clumps.”

The texture of said clumps is lost somewhere in the void between cookie and brownie. It’s not quite Chewy Chips Ahoy, but not quite brownie texture either – any brownie texture, whether you like moist, chewy brownies or crispier dryer brownies, these never get to either pole.

They resemble little pieces of edible cookie dough, but that’s usually softer and often chilled. If you bought edible cookie dough bites and left them uncovered on the counter for six hours, that might be the texture of Chips Ahoy Baked Bites. I kinda recall the inside of those terrible “Cookie Dough Bite” candies being similar, so imagine about twenty of those mashed together with less chocolate.

Needless to say, I’m not a fan of these bites texturally. That said, the texture is great compared to the taste. These are hot garbage.

I really try not to just flat out hate on things I review, but I hate these. “Hate” is a strong word that I genuinely want to eliminate from my vocabulary entirely. Maybe tomorrow. I hate these.

The flavor is as bland as bland can be. The chocolate chips are a desperate hint of a saving grace, but they are chalky and not flavorful enough to save whatever the batter is. These are just unpleasant with a mouth-drying, aspartamey aftertaste that doesn’t go away.

Would you like a dryer, denser Chewy Chips Ahoy with about 50% less sugar? I’ll answer for you. You wouldn’t. The grams of sugar must all be in the chocolate because the blondie part has no sweetness to speak of. These taste like the newspaper Blondie was printed on.

The “Chips Ahoy!” name on the box shouldn’t have an exclamation point but an interrobang (?) because I’m questioning what the heck I just ate. I also really wanted to write the word “interrobang.”

Man, these stink. With all the options out there, I’m prepared to call these unequivocally the worst sweet snack on shelves right now. I’ll die on that hill.

I don’t think I’ve ever said the word “blech” out loud until I ate these. That’s what these taste like, “blech.” They taste like some random onomatopoeia.

Yeah, so anyway, pick up a box. You’ll love ’em? (You probably won’t. Skip ’em.)

Purchased Price: $3.98
Size: 7.5 oz box/5 packs
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 1 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 170 calories, 7 grams of fat, 150 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of total carbohydrates, 13 grams of total sugars, 2 grams of fiber, 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Red Bull Pink Edition Wild Berries Energy Drink

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I was wracking my brain, trying to find the perfect song from Alecia Moore, aka Pink, to sum up my feelings about Red Bull’s new “The Pink Edition.” Surely, a pop star with such myriad hits would have something – some song, some lyric – to help me express how this wild berry energy drink made me feel.

Alas, my search came up empty. It didn’t make me want to “get the party started.” It didn’t make me want to “raise my glass.” It was not “(censored) perfect.” I did, however, find the opening “lyrics” of her smash hit, “So What,” appropriate:

Na-na-na-na, na-na, na
Na-na-na-na na-na –
… and so on and so forth…

Nah. This ain’t it.

Now that I got that extremely clunky reach for an intro out of the way, allow me to introduce “The Pink Edition,” which, in an ironic turn of events, is a real snoozefest from Red Bull.

The Pink Edition tastes of “wild berries,” which seems like a flavor profile Red Bull would have tackled by now, but apparently not. Whenever I have something “berry” flavored, I like to try and guess which berries are being used, so I took my first sip without research.

First of all, this isn’t even really pink. It’s more red. It’s too red. Anyway, flavor-wise, I assumed rasp, black, and one of cran, blue, or straw. The standards. Sometimes something crazy happens and brands sneak in a boysen or a snozz, but those are usually the main “mixed” berries.

The Pink Edition smells like Strawberry Jell-o but just kinda tastes like a slightly underripe raspberry. On the surface, that’s not bad, but there was also a strange chaser in there. I couldn’t pinpoint whatever berry it was, so I cheated and checked Red Bull’s official summarization:

“Raspberry and other fruits complemented with exciting herbal notes.”

It’s red, and it’s just one berry. This is literally red bull.

Ignoring how they just hand-waved the other potential fruits, THAT made sense. This has a slight herbal taste to it. It’s not very exciting, but it made me feel a very specific way. As just an everyday energy booster, I wouldn’t recommend this flavor at all. It’s one of the most middling Red Bulls I’ve had in ages.

That being said, if I was sick, I would absolutely love this. I don’t wanna jinx myself, but when I’m under the weather, I live on Ricola cough drops and drink ice cold seltzer almost exclusively. That’s what this tasted like – an herby fruity cough drop melted into a seltzer.

Does that appeal to anyone except sick me? I’d imagine it doesn’t. It’s maybe not as medicinal as I’m making it seem, but that herbal element really leans towards it.

So yeah, not great. Unless you’re a sicko like me, skip it. You’ll probably wanna pour this pink drink down the sink. I wish I had Alecia LESS of this flavor.

Yeah, that’s a bookend, I guess. Hmm, maybe I am getting sick.

Purchased Price: $2.38
Size: 8.4 Fl. Oz.
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 3 out of 10 (8 out of 10 if I had a fever)
Nutrition Facts: 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 90 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of total carbohydrates, 26 grams of total sugars, 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Oreo Loaded Cookies

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“Everything old is new again” is a famous quote that I should probably attribute to the original writer, but that dude ain’t around anymore. I’m sure he wouldn’t care.

For the sake of the following review, I’m going to attribute said quote to the R&D genius over at Nabisco/Mondelez who came up with the brilliant idea to stuff Oreos with Oreos.

Yep, we’ve reached the point in time where Oreo flavor spinoffs have come so full circle that we can now buy Oreo-flavored Oreos… and I’m not mad about it.

Two years ago, I reviewed “The Most Oreo,” and I gotta be honest here, folks, I think the new “Oreo Loaded” is just “The Most Oreo” with a fresh coat of paint. I’m consciously choosing not to re-read that review until I finish this one to see if I came to the same conclusion.

Ok, actually, “Oreo Loaded” being an exact replica of “The Most Oreo” isn’t entirely true. While they are both essentially “cookies and crème” flavored Oreos (I know, just go with it), I do not believe we reached “most” levels with the Oreo Loaded. These have a little more than your standard “Double Stuf” but do not reach the ludicrous thickness of “The Most Oreo.”

These land between “The Most Oreo” and “Double Stuf” calorically, so I think my thesis checks out.

Look, it’s a big fat Oreo with a little more Oreo essence thrown in. This is a slam dunk positive review. Do you like Oreos? Want an even fatter Oreo? Me too. These are very good, but allow me to nitpick just a bit.

The amount of crème is enough to where you start to notice just how chalky it is. I think the added element of “REAL Oreo cookie crumbs” (I know, just go with it) in said crème makes it dryer and a bit less palatable than you’re used to.

These are also easily the most brittle Oreos I’ve ever had. Perhaps I got a bad batch, but every single cookie I ate – every single one – broke into pieces in ways unnatural to an Oreo. For a sandwich cookie, I usually get a pretty clean halved bite with Oreos; here, each bite breaks the wafers into quarters at least. Also, I broke numerous cookie discs while doing the classic Oreo twist. It’s as if the crumbs in the crème were extracted directly from the cookies, ruining their structural integrity.

That’s it. Other than the excruciating lack of creativity, I have no complaints. I bought a pack of obese Oreos, and baby, I liked me some obese Oreos. Sure, they were a little gritty, a little crumby, and I could only enjoy about three in a sitting, but they are legitimately great.

2025 seems to already be the year of “everything old is new again” (… I know, just try to go with it?), but I guess we can take a little comfort in obese Oreos. I wanted to rail on how “Oreo stuffed Oreos” are almost insultingly repetitive, but I just can’t. I like Oreos. Maybe next time when Nabisco releases “Oreo Reloaded,” it can stuff Oreos with Hydrox and really shock the world.

Purchased Price: $4.88
Size: 13.37 oz package
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 Cookies) 180 calories, 9 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.

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