REVIEW: Burger King Spider-Verse Whopper

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Burger King, Burger King
Get a load of this burger thing,
Crimson bun, Whopper-sized,
Order with a side of fries,

Look out!
Here’s the… New “Spider-verse” Whopper.

Yeah, that ended with a whimper. Sorry, the lyrics aren’t as clever as BK’s current theme song, WHOPPER, WHOPPER, WHOPPER, WHOPPER, WHOPPER *repeat x10*

Before I review Burger King’s new “Spider-verse” Whopper, I just wanna give my quick review of 2018’s “Spider-man: Into the Spider-verse.” 10 out of 10. Certified banger. Best Spider-man movie ever made. No notes. If you haven’t seen it, find whoever is streaming it, and fire it up.

While you’re at it, flame broil up Burger King’s new “Spider-verse” Whopper, a burger that somehow almost lived up to the hype of the movie.

I say “somehow” because, in reality, there isn’t much difference from a tried-and-true Whopper here, but that’s the thing, reality is only a perception. This is a multiverse Whopper.

The obvious eye-catching draw of this burger is the beet-dyed red bun. As far as “photo versus expectations” goes, I gotta say, the real thing ended up looking way better than my Spidey sense thought it would. It tastes like a normal bun, but I swear it was a bit more “toothsome.” Perhaps mine was just mildly stale, like the current Marvel Cinematic Universe. (Sony paid me to say that.)

The other key difference from a standard Whopper is that American cheese is swapped out for melty Swiss. Why? I pondered that myself. Is Miles Morales a big fan of Swiss cheese? Is there a Swiss Spiderman out there in the Spider-verse? The only logical explanation I could come up with is that Swiss cheese famously has holes and the Spidey supervillain The Spot has a key role in the new Spider-verse sequel. I think I cracked the case. (Trypophobics need not Google “The Spot.”)

Anyway, I actually think the Swiss compliments the burger really well. It gave it a milder and slightly saltier taste than the usual Kraft single-esque piece of rubber.

It’s been a long time since I’ve sat down and eaten a Whopper AT the home of said Whopper, and I enjoyed it thoroughly.

I do have one minor complaint though. Why did Burger King just stop at a red bun? It has dabbled with flavored buns and hot sauces in the past. I think this bun should have had a *THWIP!* of heat, or there should have been a sauce component. They could have called it “Radioactive Spider-bite Sauce” or something. Then again, maybe it’s best to limit the number of spider references. Some people might think they’re eating bugs.

Either way, I love the movie, I really liked this burger, and I can’t wait to watch the sequel next week. You have until June 11th to try the burger. After that, it’ll be gone like Uncle Ben – the rice guy and Peter Parker’s dearly departed guardian.

Oh, there are also cool little Miles Morales-themed Burger King crowns. I won’t lie; I snagged one. Two. I snagged two. I’m giving one away, I swear.

This was fun. Maybe next time BK can do a Venom-themed burger with black buns and … oh wait, no! No, they can’t do that again, lest they want everyone to expel their own symbiote.

Ok, on that gross note, I’m gonna websling outta here. Try the burger!

Purchased Price: $5.00 (Special Monday only price in the App – a steep $8.19 otherwise)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 795 calories, 54 grams of fat, 14 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of trans fat, 115 milligrams of cholesterol, 1700 milligrams of sodium, 56 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 38 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Lay’s Wavy Cuban Sandwich Potato Chips

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Lay’s Wavy Cuban Sandwich chips went down so easily that I’m already thinking about Havana-nother bag.

Let’s just go ahead and move on from the pun, ok? We all see it. It’s not going anywhere. Havana, like the capital of Cuba. Real clever, bro. It is what it is, and I’m not gonna apologize. Anyway…

Cuban sandwiches! We like those, don’t we folks?

Lay’s has been putting out sandwich-based chips for years and even dropped some limited edition city-inspired flavors, so how did it take this long to get to the delicious Miami-born Cuban sandwich?

I can’t believe this wasn’t a “Do Us a Flavor” winner at some point, and we’re just now finally getting it. It has to be worth the wait, right?

Well, I’m Havana hard time trying to decide.

Ok, I apologize for that one.

Right outta the bag, the chips smelled familiar, giving off Cheddar and Sour Cream vibes, so I instantly expected the cheese to dominate. Once I chomped down, I realized it was a soft cheesiness that I just kinda accepted as Swiss. Don’t get me wrong, it was a nice mild flavor, but without previous knowledge, I’m not sure I would have pinpointed that cheese specifically. Swiss is obviously a milder cheese, but I wish it popped more.

I was a little surprised at just how mellow the overall flavor was until I got hints of mustard and pickle that ended up being my favorite pieces of the puzzle that is this chip.

Like the cheese, I wasn’t overwhelmed by the protein element. At first, it just tasted like some kind of vague spiced meat, but it slowly transformed into a pretty impressive hammy pork flavor. At that point, I realized how complex these chips actually were. They somehow managed to sneak in subtle flavors of both pork roast and ham without them canceling each other out.

You really get each individual Cuban sandwich ingredient to the point that I think these might be one of the most successful Lay’s flavor reproductions I can recall… yet I still wished there was MORE flavor.

They have a sensation that makes it seem like they’re ready to get spicy at any second, but the heat never comes. They’re mild but on the verge of bursting with flavors. It’s hard to explain. I left wishing each chip had about 20% more of a dusting. These were so close to perfection, but they needed to be ramped up to “Cubano Xtreme” or something. They’re layered and impressive but ultimately unfulfilling.

I give Lay’s props for deciding to make these Wavy though. I think it’s the perfect level of crunch for the flavor, and the grooves give a great little nod to the panini press grill marks of the real thing. Regular chips would have been too boring, and I think the flavor balance would’ve gotten thrown out of whack on a greasy kettle chip.

So, while these let me down ever so slightly, I guess I’m still satisfied. I wish they were caked in seasoning like Doritos. What can I say?

If you think I’m gonna close with that pun again, you have another thing comin’.

Purchased Price: $3.68
Size: 7.5 oz.
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (13 Chips) 160 calories, 10 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 mg of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of total sugars, 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Turtle Signature Latte

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A wise man once said, “I like turtles.”

Who could argue with that?

Not I. Whether it be the living, breathing reptiles or those of the Teenage Mutant Ninja persuasion, they’re all cool with me. Perhaps my favorite turtles though are those little chocolate, pecan, and caramel cluster candies. I really like those turtles, so when I noticed Dunkin’ added a Turtle Signature Latte to the app, I acted in the complete opposite way of a turtle… ya know, fast. I ordered one quickly.

The new Turtle Signature Iced Latte features mocha and butter pecan syrup swirls, espresso, and whole milk topped with whipped cream, caramel drizzle, and crunchy cocoa caramel crumbles.

On the surface, this might just seem like a rejiggering of flavors Dunkin’ has always featured, but I gotta say, it found the right balance with this one.

The mocha-heavy espresso packs a dark and rich wallop, while the butter pecan swirl adds a smooth caramel-y flourish. Just that coffee portion is great on its own, but the topping was my favorite part. Whipped cream and caramel drizzle are all fine and good, but that’s standard fare. It was the cocoa caramel crumbles that really took this to the next level.

They tasted like little cookie crumbs and the crystalized sugar coating on candied nuts. Not only that, they might be the first Dunkin’ topping I’ve ever had that didn’t just melt away. They held their crunch and lasted the entire drink, and I got bits in almost every sip.

It might seem weird or even unappetizing at first to think of sipping up crispy bits in a watery iced coffee and not something with a milkshake-type consistency, but trust me, they’re good. I’d buy a bottle of these as a garnish tomorrow.

Yeah, not much to complain about here. My only small gripe is one that I’ve always had with Dunkin’s mocha flavor – it leaves a dry, almost gritty film in my mouth when I’m done. I usually have to chase it with a bottle of water. At least I’m staying hydrated, right?

I should also note I couldn’t make any dairy substitutions in the app. It’s whole milk or nothing, but I imagine you can finagle something different if you talk to an employee.

I think turtles represent good vibes, and this drink lives up to the namesake. Dunkin’ is doing a big Butter Pecan push for the summer, so this latte will probably hang around for a while. It’s not an everyday coffee because it’s way too indulgent to start every morning with, but you should definitely try it at least once. I’m kinda bummed Dunkin’ is not pairing this new drink with turtle-flavored donuts. They coulda iced ’em like little turtle shells!

Whatever, I’m sure the butter pecan donut is good, and Dunkin’ will do a chocolate caramel hybrid donut at some point. For now, I’ll probably just enjoy this latte a few more times over the coming months. Cowabunga, dudes!

Purchased Price: $4.49
Size: Small
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 270 calories, 5 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 48 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 43 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Wendy’s Grilled Chicken Ranch Wrap

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For a minute there it was a wrap on fast food wraps.

Sure, you could easily get sixty-four wrap-adjacent offerings at Taco Bell or wrap-ish Gyros at Arby’s, but the rest of the wraps got scrapped.

McDonald’s axed my beloved Crispy Chicken Ranch Snack Wraps years ago. BK seems to flirt with everything but wraps, even going so far as to try gross Jack in the Box taco clones. I went to KFC the other day and it apparently already stopped selling its new snack wraps.

Where are the wraps?!

They’re at Wendy’s. Well, one is at Wendy’s, at least. After years of a wrap-less menu, Wendy’s is back with a Grilled Chicken Ranch Wrap.

Perhaps it’s just me, but wraps are completely necessary for a fast-food menu. Sometimes I want a lazy bite to eat that’ll fill me up but won’t bog me down, and a grilled chicken wrap seems like the perfect answer. Wendy’s almost gets it right here, but it needs some adjustments.

First of all, the wrap itself is a weird size. It’s somehow too big and too small at the same time. If the wrap was stuffed with chicken, it would be too big, but since it was mostly stuffed with lettuce, it’s too small. This was about as much of a messy salad as it was a chicken wrap.

I mean, outside of that, it’s essentially what you think it is. I wouldn’t say Wendy’s necessarily excels at grilled chicken, but for something like this, it makes more sense. My chicken pieces were a little on the chewy and slimy side, if I’m being honest, and while I don’t opt for its grilled fare much, that’s kinda always been my experience with it. Would I have preferred fried chicken? Absolutely, but I also like the idea of a healthier meal when it comes to a wrap.

There’s plenty of ranch dressing and probably not enough cheddar, but it wouldn’t matter because all that would just get swallowed up by the head of lettuce. Again, while the wrap is bigger than the typical “snack” wraps, it’s not very substantial because most of it is tortilla and ruffage.

If this was smaller at a lower price point, I’d like it more. If it was dense with chicken like a burrito, I’d like it more. As it is, it’s just passable and probably not worth your time or money.

So, I’m happy to see a wrap back on the Wendy’s menu, but I wish it was something I could just swing by and get as a midday snack. These don’t hold a candle to the late McDonald’s Crispy Chicken Snack Wraps, but few things do.

My recommendation would be to wait and see if the line expands. Maybe there will be a spicy variety soon, and I could see that easily being superior. For now, there are much better chicken options to get at Wendy’s.

Purchased Price: $5.99
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 420 calories, 16 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 1230 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of total sugars, 2 grams of fiber, and 27 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Little Debbie Nutty Bars Ice Cream Bars

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Little Debbie is getting a little too big for her britches.

A snack cake empire just wasn’t enough for Big Deb. Now she’s taking over the ice cream and cereal game too. If a chocolate treat is sold in the park, Notorious D.E.B. wants in on it, and ya know what? It’s working.

I’ve been hoovering up every new thing she slaps her name on, and on my way to literally getting too big for my britches. In fact, with the push to conquer the supermarkets, the Little Debbie empire’s new motto is “Britches get stitches.”

I’m sure you have your favorite Little Debbie product. For me, it’s always been Nutty Bars, formerly Nutty Buddies, or Nutty Buddies formerly Nutty Bars. I’ll be honest, I’ve lost track of the name and feel like I’m trapped in a Mandela Effect vortex. Either way, Nutty Blanks are amazing.

I loved the cereal Deb dropped a few months ago, so you know I had to try the ice cream bars.

Nutty Bars Ice Cream Bars consist of peanut butter ice cream dipped in a crispy milk chocolate shell. All the elements of the iconic snack bar are there, so it burns me to tell you that, well, these don’t really come too close to the OGs.

These are good, and I’ll give them credit for having a very satisfying texture. The ice cream is a perfect consistency for a bar like this. It’s not a frozen block, but it’s also not melty and holds its form well. The outer shell is actually top-tier, and the crispies are plentiful while adding a solid amount of crunch.

With that said, these just aren’t good enough for something inspired by the Little Debbie Nutty Bar.

The peanut butter ice cream is kinda bland. Not only does it not look like peanut butter ice cream, but it also doesn’t explode with peanut butter flavor.

I compared the ice cream bar to the actual Nutty Bars, and while those have a pretty mild peanut butter flavor in the grand scheme as well, the ice cream really needed to have a strong peanut butter taste to make these things pop.

While I like the crispies, what ultimately gets lost here is the wafer. Nutty Bars have such a perfect structure of delicate, diamond-sheeted wafers between the chocolate and peanut butter that these little dotted crispies never really had a chance. It just ends up tasting like it could be literally any ice cream brand’s generic crunch bar varietal.

So, I’d recommend these as an ice cream bar on their own, but not as a version of the Nutty Bar. The flavors just don’t pop enough. Whereas I actually think they did a great job on the cereal’s texture, these just never really get to where I wanted them to.

The collabs between Deb and the Hudsonville ice cream company seem to be going strong, so maybe they can go back to the lab and remix the flavors a bit. Just release them again as “Nutty Buddy Ice Cream Bars” in a few months and really mess with my head.

Purchased Price: $4.48
Size: 4 pack
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 Bar) 210 calories, 13 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

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