REVIEW: Wendy’s Chicken Tendys

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Wendy’s Chicken Tendys and Signature Sauce

Wendy’s new chicken tenders are boneless, but I’ve still got a bone to pick with America’s 9th favorite Redhead.

For years, on this great site, I’ve famously, tirelessly, breathlessly, and relentlessly asked – nay – begged Wendy’s to release a line of Frosties chock full of fix-ins called “Wendy’s Blendies.”

Imagine my disappointment when Wendy’s finally added some toppings to their Frosties and called them “Girlie Swirlies” or whatever instead of the more obvious name, “Blendies!”

Now, imagine my suspicion when I saw their newest menu item – Wendy’s Tendys.

“Tendys,” huh? Sounds a little bit like… Blendies!

If you’re thinking, “well, that’s just simplistic wordplay, and parallel thinking at best. You don’t own the abstract premise of rhyme schemes, and to be honest, ‘Tendys’ sounds better than ‘Blendies’ anyway. They didn’t actually blend anything into the Frosty,” then you’re correct, and very blunt. Take it easy. Jeez.

I’d still like an assist though – at least one of those secondary hockey assists where I get an assist for passing the puck to the guy who passed the puck to the guy who actually scored.

Tendys obviously aren’t Wendy’s first foray into chicken fingers/tenders/strips, but they’re a revamped recipe, and as a bonus, they’re being released with a new “Signature Sauce.”

Full transparency, I think Wendy’s chicken offerings have fallen off a cliff in the past decade, but I still enjoy their nuggets from time to time and snagged a free 5-piece to compare. I actually think Tendys are superior, but I might be on an island.

Wendy’s Chicken Tendys closeup

My three strips were salty, dry, and slightly overcooked, but crispy and just tender enough that I actually really liked them. As weird as it sounds, I like dry food, plus that’s what the sauce is there for! Anyway, the flavor and texture alone would have probably gotten a “meh” rating at best, but these things started to taste like something.

This could just be (chicken) selective memory, but as I bit down and racked my brain trying to figure out what they reminded me of, I came to the conclusion – McDonald’s Chicken Selects.

Why and how do I even remember those? They haven’t existed for well over a decade, yet I had a sense memory that I was eating them. Why would Wendy’s remind me of McDonald’s? I don’t know, but Tendys tasted more like Selects than McDonald’s new mediocre tenders.

Wendy’s Chicken Tendys being dipped into the Signature Sauce

As for the “Signature” sauce, it’s fine. It’s creamy with a little kick and tastes, I’ll be honest, like all new sauces just taste like some variation of Thousand Island to me. It’s like Russian Dressing and Ranch, maybe. If you told me this was just “S’awesome” sauce from a few years ago, I’d shrug and trudge on with stuffing my face. It gets a B on my patented Sauce Tier list.

So, with the Tendys and the Signature Sauce, there’s really nothing “new” here, but they’re both worth trying. I’d like to know if anyone else had a “Chicken Selects” nostalgia rush while eating them. Try ’em, but just know, three small strips are almost $6. They shoulda called these “Spendys.”

Actually, I’ve come around on the name. It’s fun to say, and definitely better than when my local greasy spoon, “Wendels,” added “Tendels” to the menu. Nasty.

Tendys are solid though!

Purchased Price: $5.39
Size: 3 pieces
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Tendys only) 420 calories, 22 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 80 milligrams of cholesterol, 1050 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 33 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Caramel Corn Chex Cereal

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I could make the argument, based on absolutely zero research, that Chex is the most versatile cereal of all time. Seriously, no brand has ever put out more flavors, based on no research, and Chex pieces are unequivocally the world’s favorite snack mix ingredient… and I am, of course, basing this on zero research. Not even a simple Google.

Corn Chex, Rice Chex, Wheat Chex. Who can beat Chex? Cheerios?!

Yeah, maybe Cheerios actually. They do a lot. Ah man, are Cheerios better than Chex?

No! Wait, this is about Chex. Cheerios Shmeerios. They’re not better, they just have better PR.

Has Cheerios ever released a Caramel Corn flavor like Chex just did?! I’m not gonna research it, but I don’t think so. Checkmate, Cheerios.

I know what you’re thinking, surely Chex has done similar flavors to Caramel Corn before, but that was Caramel *beat* Corn Chex, and this is Caramel Corn *beat* Chex. It’s like “Under Pressure” and “Ice Ice Baby,” totally different, but both absolute bangers.

I’mma need you to stop, collaborate, and listen, because this is a great cereal.

Limited Edition Caramel Corn Chex Cereal in a bowl

When I tore the bag open, I was instantly hit with a nostalgic whiff of my favorite cereal of all time, the brand that dropped the “Cheeri,” because it was cleaner – Oh’s.

Where are my Oh’s fans at? Good news, Caramel Corn Chex smells and tastes pretty similar to Honey Oh’s, except not in that show-offy Cheerio ring shape, but the classic Chex weave.

While I can’t sit here and tell you these taste exactly like legitimate caramel corn, the sweetness does subside, and it manages to take on a cornier character. A valiant effort, and also how people describe me to a T – “the sweetness subsides to reveal a cornier character.”

Limited Edition Caramel Corn Chex Cereal in milk

I am a little bummed these don’t get closer to actual caramel corn flavor though. They hit the Fiddle, but don’t quite get there on the Faddle.

If you’ve ever had Honey Nut Chex Mix, this isn’t too far off from that, if at all. These are pretty sweet, and maybe even a bit too hard because of the sugary glaze coating, but they work well as a dry snack. I’m not usually one to eat cereal without milk, but I’ve been popping handfuls all week. Whereas something like dry Cap’n Crunch will leave me feeling Crap’y, these hit the spot.

Limited Edition Caramel Corn Chex Cereal on spoon

I keep mentioning “honey” because I guess I don’t taste much of a difference between honey-based cereals and the “caramel” represented here. Honey’s good though, right? We like honey.

Limited Edition Caramel Corn Chex Cereal in another bowl

So, with that said, I feel some are gonna think this cereal’s name is a bit of a stretch, but I still believe it’s a crowd pleaser. It has the sweetness of a kid’s cereal, but Chex just feels more acceptable as an adult, so it should be fun for the whole family – hence the Family Sized box.

Limited Edition Caramel Corn Chex Cereal recipes on back of box

This is an easy recommendation. I’m actually gonna grab another box because it has some fun Chex Mix recipes I wanna try. Why spend $4 on a pre-made bag when you can customize your own and buy each individual ingredient for a grand total of $38?

Purchased Price: $4.93
Size: 19.6 oz Family Size
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 Cup) 160 calories, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 250 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of total carbohydrates, 12 grams of total sugars, 2 grams of dietary fiber, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Lay’s Wavy Loaded Nachos Potato Chips

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Football season is upon us, and I’m staring down the barrel of another “mid” season at best. It’s been a pretty terrible decade if I’m being honest, but it’s hard to complain when you’ve witnessed two of the greatest Super Bowl wins ever in the past twenty years.

Can you guess which team I root for?

“Can you just get on with the review?”

Yeah, jeez. Allow me to awkwardly transition to today’s review of Lay’s Loaded Nacho Wavy Chips. They remind me of this NFL schedule in a way. While I still get mild excitement from each new season(ing), they ultimately just remind me of more triumphant (champion)chips of the past.

Right from the jump, there’s an identity crisis. They’re confused – kind of like me, insinuating the word is “championchip,” above. Do people actually want nacho flavors on a potato chip?

Tortilla nachos ain’t broke, so why are the corrupt referees at Frito Lay trying to fix ’em?

One might counter, “Who says ‘nacho’ flavor profiles only have to work with corn-based chips?” It’s a fair question to ask, but… nacho flavor profiles only work on corn-based chips. These confirmed it.

The bag literally shows a stack of tortilla chips covered in salsa, nacho cheese, sour cream, and what I think is cilantro. Why make me think of other chips while I’m eating chips? I like a Wavy Lays chip, and while I think they are the best-case potato delivery system, they simply don’t stack up to the real nachos you’re insisting I fantasize about.

The bag reeks of agita, and Taco Doritos, which I actually love, but can’t eat many of.

With that said, the overall flavor is a lot milder than I was expecting. There’s a “kick” that grows as you eat, but as far as the actual nacho flavor, it’s kinda soft.

I tasted a “meat” element, but as far as I can tell, there’s no meat hinted at anywhere on the bag or in the ingredients. More of said meaty flavor would have improved these.

Intentional or not, these ended up really reminding me of three other classic chip varieties: Taco Supreme Doritos, Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles, and Chili Cheese Fritos, with the latter standing out the most.

Now, if I just told you those flavors, you’d probably wanna buy multiple bags, but these Loaded Nacho chips are about 33% as good as any given one of them. They never get there. So, while I’m eating these, I’m not only wishing I was eating real nachos, I’m also thinking about three other bags of Frito-Lay products I’d rather have. Why not just do a special edition “Loaded Nacho Cheese Doritos” or something?

This pointless flavor could’ve been called “Chili Cheese Lite.” They aren’t gross, they’re just aggressively “mid.” The heartburn ends up outpacing the slight flavor enjoyment.

Lay’s Loaded Nachos are a team that’s about to go 8-9. They might have a little stretch where you think they can snag a Wild Card, but in the end, they’re losers.

They’re limited, but don’t rush. Wait for a sale or just punt on them.

Oh, hey, look, another crushing loss for my G-men. Life is full of disappointments.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 7.5 oz
Purchased at: Shop Rite
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (11 chips) 150 calories, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 180 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of total sugars, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Kirkland Signature Combo Calzone

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Costco’s food court is arguably the country’s best cost-effective eatery. Where else can you get a two-dollar dog right after spending $450 on items such as an Army’s supply of animal crackers and a year’s worth of pipe-clogging wet wipes?

Just me?

I never skip the Costco Cafeteria. I’ll take one of their obese slices over any national chain’s wimpy pizza. I don’t know where Chicken Bakes came from, but they’re a marvel of modern science. That dirt cheap footlong? GOATed! And how can I forget the… *sigh* we still doing this?

Double. Chocolate. Chunk. Cookie?! Five Booms and whatnot.

Everything is good.

Well, everything WAS good. It is with great sorrow that I must report the new Kirkland Calzone Combo is a DOOM!

I’m baffled. How can this be? On paper, you would think a Costco food court Calzone would just marry the best parts of the pizza and the chicken bake, right? Pure ignorance.

It certainly looks like a decent calzone. I really like the doughy, slightly crispy crust on the pizza slice, so having that as a giant pocket works. It was probably my favorite part of the experience, despite it getting worse as I got towards the center.

The filling is pure slop. A full-on work sloppage. Slopular Science. The King of Slop. A wop slop a loo bop a slop bom bom!

The “turnover” comes packed with pepperoni, sausage, cheese, onions, peppers, sauce, olives, and mushrooms, all of which clash with each other.

I’m not opposed to a supreme pizza, but all of these ingredients don’t work in this pouch; it just makes everything wet with a gross flavor I can only describe as “spiced slimy meat.” That’s all I tasted, but not even in a good pepperoni or sausage style, they blend with the veggies to make an off-putting “spice” that is neither hot nor appetizing. This is the opposite of the spice mélange. One DUNE(!) on the “Boom or Dune” scale.

I could probably get beyond the overall flavor if this thing had more cheese in it. It’s severely lacking. I’ll keep hyping the pizza, because I absolutely love that 700-calorie behemoth cheese slice. It’s excessive, it’s greasy, it’s uniquely chewy, and I love it. This mushy deflated football needed that texture badly.

What you’re looking at here is a giant Hot Pocket that you took out of the microwave fifteen seconds early. I’m shocked at how much I disliked it. What a mess. This thing left a bad taste in my mouth literally and figuratively. The corners of the crust are basically the highlight. This should’ve been a perfect amalgamation of the pizza and chicken bake, but instead it’s a bastardization.

1.66 out of 5 BOOMS, which is appropriately a “boo.”

Purchased Price: $6.99
Size: n/a
Purchased at: Costco
Rating: 3 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 1,080 calories, 61 grams of fat, 25 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 100 milligrams of cholesterol, 2000 milligrams of sodium, 67 grams of total carbohydrates, 7 grams of total sugars, 4 grams of dietary fiber, 46 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Chipotle Hash Brown Wake-Up Wrap

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I love fast food wraps. I’m basically the anti-Sir Mix-a-Lot anaconda, because I actually want some if you ain’t got buns, Hun.

It’s a great time for me because it’s basically the summer of the wrap, with more and more fast food joints jumping into the wrap trap. Popeyes has some solid new tortilla’d strips, “Taco Bell is a chicken place is a taco place is a chicken place,” burritos are really good despite the annoying commercials, and hey, who could forget the much-ballyhooed return of McDonald’s Snack Wraps? I know I didn’t. They’re not the same, but I’ll still throw ’em down.

Here’s the thing, amongst all that hype, I almost completely ignored the best new wrap of them all. While those chicken retreads soak up the spotlight, allow me to ballyhoo Dunkin’s new Chipotle Hash Brown Wake-up Wrap. Ballyhoo, I say!

… I don’t actually know what “ballyhoo” means, but I do know that Dunkin’s Wake-up Wraps are criminally underrated, and it’s about time you people, well, woke up.

Wake-up Wraps are a great little economical breakfast in a pinch. Sure, the eggs are rubber, the bacon is borderline inedible sometimes, the cheese might as well be made by Elmer’s, and the wraps usually have hard edges, but I still kinda love ’em for some reason. Adding hash browns and chipotle sauce brings them to a whole new level.

Dunkin’s hash browns remain arguably my favorite in fast food. I’ve actually been adding the zesty, crispy coins to my Dunkin’ sandwiches and wraps for years, so it’s nice to see the restaurant finally catching up.

I wrote a diatribe about how I don’t love “sauce” in my recent Goldfish review, little did I know that just a few weeks later I’d be adding Dunkin’s Chipotle Aioli to the A-tier on my Sauce Tier list that ABSOLUTELY took the internet by storm.

The chipotle aioli works so well on a breakfast wrap. It’s very similar to the sauce Taco Bell uses in their Breakfast Crunchwrap, which, as we all know, is the breakfast G.O.A.T.

Another thing I like about this wrap is that you can customize both the protein and the cheese, and every combo works. I enjoyed sausage, but I think bacon pairs better with the aioli and hash browns. As long as the bacon is actually cooked, I’d recommend that with American cheese, but white cheddar is no slouch.

There’s no wrong way to eat a Dunkin’ Chipotle Hash Brown Wake-up Wrap. I came up with that slogan. It’s an original.

How can it get any better, you ask?! They’re included in the current $5 Meal Deal! It might not seem like anything amazing, but two of these and an iced coffee for five bucks might be the best deal Dunkin’ has had since its questionable app update.

I think these are a perfect breakfast for anyone on the go. Even if you order two, they won’t bog you down, and they should leave you satisfied. Take advantage of the $5 Meal Deal before the summer wraps up.

Purchased Price: $3.99 each
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 340 calories, 24 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 110 milligrams of cholesterol, 910 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of total sugars, 1 gram of fiber, and 10 grams of protein.

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