Burger King Ketchup & Fries Potato Snacks

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From my front door, it takes a few hundred steps for me to get to the Burger King down the street. Sometimes it takes more, if I stop at the Moonlight Massage parlor along the way, which are open during the hours of 10 p.m. and 4 a.m., and sometimes it takes less, if I take my car or if I stop by the Moonlight Massage and ask my masseuse, Persia, to replace the usual “Happy Ending” with a trip to Burger King, because really, getting a Whopper delivered to you is truly a happy ending. Sometimes I wish the Burger King was much closer, but thanks to the Burger King Ketchup & Fries Potato Snacks I can experience Burger King without leaving my apartment and without asking Persia to walk in her five inch heels down the street.

To be honest, I’m not a fan of Burger King french fries so I didn’t think I’d like these. However, the good news is that these potato snacks didn’t taste like Burger King french fries. The bad news is that these potato snacks are worse than Burger King french fries. To sum up how I feel about them, I came up with this simple equation:

Burger King Ketchup & Fries Potato Snacks is less than Burger King french fries is less than a slap in the face

Its tangy ketchup flavor came in the form of a powder that is Homeland Security Red in color and sticks to your fingers, making them look like they caught something from being in Paris Hilton’s disarrayed va-jay-jay. Sucking the flavor off my fingers is usually a pleasurable experience that I pay for at the Moonlight Massage, but that wasn’t the case with the bright red powder since it made my fingers smell like Thousand Island dressing, one of the least erotic salad dressings, right next to blue cheese. The flavor of the Burger King Ketchup & Fries Potato Snacks had a strong vinegary smell and taste, which bordered between bad ketchup flavored Pringles and bad barbeque flavored potato chips.

But not everything is bad about the Burger King Ketchup & Fries Potato Snacks. They are healthier than a small size of Burger King french fries and contain no trans fats, but if that’s all they’ve got going for them, it’s not good. Well, it looks like my Happy Endings will continue to end with a Whopper.

(Nutrition Facts – Approx. 16 chips – 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 240 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of dietary fiber, 1 grams of sugar, 1 grams of sugars, and 5 red powdery fingers.)

(Editor’s Note: Snack You Silly also reviewed this package of red, vinegar goodness.)

Item: Burger King Ketchup & Fries Potato Snacks
Price: $1.49 (3 ounces)
Purchased at: PriceBusters
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: A Happy Ending and those that end with a Whopper. Zero trans fat. Healthier than Burger King fries. A slap in the face compared with Burger King fries.
Cons: Worse than Burger King fries. Strong vinegar smell and taste. Leaves red powder on fingers that smell like Thousand Island dressing, the least erotic salad dressing. Walking in five inch heels. Burger King fries.

REVIEW: Pepsi Blue Hawaii

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Last summer, Pepsi in Japan introduced the very limited edition Pepsi Ice Cucumber, which sold out in less than a month and helped Japan maintain their title of Country Most Likely Not To Use Focus Groups. This summer, they gave the finger to focus groups again and released the limited-edition, Japan-only, Pepsi Blue Hawaii.

The beverage is based on the Blue Hawaii cocktail, which is made of rum, pineapple juice, blue Curacao, sweet and sour mix, and sometimes vodka. Despite living in Hawaii and being of drinking age for the past decade, I have yet to consume a Blue Hawaii, because I’m allergic to cocktail umbrellas and drinks that make me look like a drunk sorority girl ready to flash her boobs when a video camera and Joe Francis come by.

The color of the Pepsi Blue Hawaii could best be described as Smurf-like, which makes sense since the idea of the Pepsi Blue Hawaii made me feel the same way I feel about the future Smurfs movie — it’s probably going to suck, but it has a certain allure to it that tickles my smurfs. After tasting it, I have to say that the Pepsi Blue Hawaii isn’t so smurftastic, but it is just a little smurfy.

The pineapple and lemon flavor combination was really smurfing sweet and artificial, especially the pineapple. I really didn’t enjoy it at first, but just like my experience with the Pepsi Ice Cucumber, I got used to its flavor and somewhat enjoyed it. I think its fruity flavor would make it a smurftastic mixer if you want to get totally smurfed off of something blue and can get your hands on some Pepsi Blue Hawaii.

I’m not sure what the smurf is so mutha smurfing appealing to my taste buds with the Pepsi Blue Hawaii, but for some smurfing reason, companies in Japan seem to know how to make smurfing products that sound and look unsmurfy, but in the end, turn out to be kind of smurfy. So I look forward to a new mutha smurfing flavor next summer from Pepsi in Japan. My money is on Pepsi Ice Carrot or Cherry Blossom Pepsi.

(Editor’s Note: TIB would like to thank reader Fury for sending a bottle of Pepsi Blue Hawaii from Japan, along with a bunch of other goodies to review. Domo arigato gozaimasu!)

Item: Pepsi Blue Hawaii
Price: FREE (only available in Japan)
Purchased at: Received from TIB reader Fury
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Just a little smurfy. Comes in a Smurf color. After a few sips, I got used to the flavor and somewhat enjoyed it. Might make a good mixer. Using focus groups. Getting my smurfs tickled.
Cons: Pineapple and lemon flavor was smurfing sweet and artificial. Didn’t like the flavor at first. Available only in Japan. Limited edition. Drinks that make me look like a drunk sorority girl. Cocktail umbrellas.

Prize Drawing Winner Announced – Dewmocracy Edition

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Congratulations to Impulsive Buy reader Natalie (comment #53) for being the winner of the Mountain Dew Dewmocracy prize pack. Thanks to everyone who participated and keep an eye out for a new prize drawing in the next few weeks.

Oh, while I have your attention, if you have a Twitter account, you can follow The Impulsive Buy Twitter here. I tweet about new products I’ve seen, heard, or tried, plus whatever else comes up. Also, if you think Ace’s writing is sexy, you should hear his voice.

REVIEW: Full Throttle Coffee Energy Drink (Mocha, Vanilla, Caramel)

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Full Throttle Coffee Energy Drink (Mocha, Vanilla, Caramel)

Coffee is probably one of the original gangstas of energy drinks, so the idea of adding an energy drink to coffee seems unnecessary, like a bra on an Olsen twin. But companies who like to energize the masses and make money doing so think this fusion is necessary and have created coffee energy drinks to make the beverage of choice for tired office workers everywhere in their cubicles of shame a little more extreme.

Monster Energy was the first to do it, Rockstar Energy was next to do it, Starbucks recently came out with theirs, and now Full Throttle Energy Drink has their own coffee energy drink with the uninspired name of Full Throttle Coffee.

Next up for the Full Throttle Energy Drink? Following others into a volcano.

Full Throttle Coffee comes in three flavors: Mocha, Vanilla, and Caramel. I’ve pretty much enjoyed every single coffee energy drink I’ve tried, including these from Full Throttle. However, these are definitely sweeter and creamier than the coffee energy drinks from the other companies. But I guess when each can has 43-48 grams of sugar and has cream in its ingredients list, it fucking makes sense.

The chocolate, vanilla, and caramel flavors really drown out the coffee taste in their respective drinks, which is good if you don’t like the bitterness of coffee, but bad if you like your coffee to be as bitter as your feeling towards your ex-significant other.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 can (varies between flavor) – 250-270 calories, 7 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 370-390 milligrams of sodium, 45-50 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 43-48 grams of sugar, 4-5 grams of protein, 15% calcium, 200% niacin, 200% vitamin B6, 1123-1124 milligrams of taurine, 167-168 milligrams of ginseng extract, 27 milligrams of carnitine, 1.3 milligrams of guarana extract, and 126-131 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine.)

Item: Full Throttle Coffee Energy Drink (Mocha, Vanilla, Caramel)
Price: $1.99 (15 ounces)
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Mocha)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Vanilla)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Caramel)
Pros: Smells and tastes good. No high fructose corn syrup. Creamy. Strong chocolate, vanilla, and caramel flavor. Over 100 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine.
Cons: Another coffee energy drink. High fructose corn syrup. Lots of fucking sugar. Sweetness drowns out coffee flavor. Maybe too sweet for some. Uninspired name. Cubicles of shame. Just following other energy drinks.

REVIEW: Strawberry Chex

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The Strawberry Nesquik powder mix was a guilty pleasure of mine growing up. It was probably the only pink thing I enjoyed during my days of Underoos, Robotech cartoons and ColecoVision. I didn’t prefer it over Chocolate Nesquik, but it was nice to drink on occasion…on the down low. Because what little boy who doesn’t like to get beaten up would admit they enjoy the girly-colored Strawberry Nesquik. I’m not sure why I enjoyed it. Maybe it was its unnatural strawberry taste or unnatural Pepto-Bismol pink color or because when I drank it, it made me feel so alive…so alive.

Now that I’m older and don’t fit into my Underoos anymore, I’ve come across other guilty pleasures that have replaced Strawberry Nesquik — some legal and some illegal in certain states. Because I’m a big boy now, I need a big boy way to consume artificial, unnatural tasting strawberry goodness. Thankfully, Strawberry Chex fills my need, and apparently the need for the General Mills Corporation to make their Chex Cereal flavor choices seem less ethnic. Rice Chex? Chocolate Chex?

The Strawberry Chex cereal consists of oven toasted rice and corn cereal with 50 percent of the cereal having a powdery strawberry-flavored coating on them. I think the cereal was pretty tasty because it smelled and tasted like strawberry Pop-Tarts, although not as sticky sweet. In milk, the cereal got soggy at a normal pace and the cereal’s powdered flavoring gave the milk a slight strawberry flavor, which took me back to my younger days of hiding Strawberry Nesquik in my Return of the Jedi Thermos.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup – 130 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 26 grams of carbs, <1 gram of dietary fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 17 grams of other carbohydrates, 2 grams of protein, and many vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Strawberry Chex
Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Good. Tastes like strawberry Pop-Tarts. Milk turns slightly strawberry flavored. My Return of the Jedi Thermos. Strawberry Nesquik making me feel so alive. Robotech cartoons.
Cons: 50 percent of the cereal has the strawberry flavoring. Having to hide my guilty pleasure of Strawberry Nesquik. My current guilty pleasures. My Underoos don’t fit anymore.

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