REVIEW: Jack in the Box Mini Churros

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Mmm…churros.

They’re a staple at carnivals, amusement parks, sports stadiums, movie theaters, Renaissance Fairs, Civil War battle reenactments, and underground cockfights. But now you can get them any time you want, without having to pay admission, dress up in clothing with poofy shoulders, or choose whether you’re a part of the Union or Confederacy, just as long as you have a Jack in the Box nearby.

The Jack in the Box Mini Churros are shaped like most churros — they look like something that comes out of a Play-Doh fun factory, except it doesn’t come in psychedelic colors that makes the hippies say “whoa” and the little kiddies scream. You can get them in either five or ten bite-sized pieces. I purchased the five-piece one, which was reasonably priced and, when combined, seemed to equal a regular-length churro.

The churros may look like shorter versions of the ones you eat after flashing your boobs on Disneyland’s Splash Mountain, but instead of the traditional sprinkling of the sugar and cinnamon on the churro, the mini churros are injected with a cinnamon and sugar filling.

The cinnamon and sugar on a regular churro you got after taking a spin on the gravity machine at the county fair is there to cover the greasy taste of the fried dough, but the cinnamon and sugar filling in the Jack in the Box Mini Churros wasn’t very successful with masking the oily taste. There’s a hint of cinnamon and sugar, but since it appears everything was dipped in oil, the sweet flavors hardly survived after being fried. The only good thing about them being fried is that they’re crunchy, but then again, everything that’s fried is crunchy.

It’s hard to believe it’s taken this long for one of the big fast food chains to deliver their own version of the deep-fried pastry, after all if there’s any group that’s known for their deep-frying, it’s fast food chains…and people with really crispy turkeys on Thanksgiving. I’m surprised Taco Bell didn’t come out with a churro before everyone else, since they’re number one in fake-Mexican fast food. Yes, I know they have cinnamon twists, but why don’t call them churros? Maybe churros are just too authentic for them.

Since I didn’t really care for the Jack in the Box Mini Churros, I guess I must continue getting my deep-fried cinnamon and sugar pastries at underground cockfights. I just hope I don’t say the wrong password before I enter.

Item: Jack in the Box Mini Churros
Price: $1.49 ($1.00 in the rest of the US)
Size: 5 pieces
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Reasonably priced. Crunchy. Bite-sized. Play-Doh.
Cons: Greasy-tasting. Not very sugary or cinnamon-y. Sugar and cinnamon are injected in filling form, instead of being sprinkled on. Getting churros at underground cockfights. Saying the wrong password at a cockfight.

Dog Poop Herbal Toothpaste Winners Announced!!!

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There are a whole bunch of you who didn’t win the Twin Lotus Herbal Toothpaste from Thailand and are probably disappointed about that. But think of all the gagging you would’ve gone through if you had won. Think about the brown paste coming out of the tube and occasionally making farting sounds. Imagine your face grimacing from the strong herbal, dirt flavor.

Although you may not have to experience any of the above, two TIB readers do and they are:

Comment #32 – cjwsbg
Comment #65 – shNermal

Each winner will receive a tube of the Twin Lotus Herbal Toothpaste, which they can use to either brush their teeth or use for whatever evil plot they have in mind for those who have crossed them.

Congratulations to the “winners” and thanks to everyone who participated!

Oral-B Indicator Floss

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According to the Oral-B Indicator Floss’ packaging:

BLUE FLOSS effectively removes and reveals plaque. La SOIE DENTAIRE BLEUE enleve et revele la plaque de facon efficace.

I’m not sure why blue floss is more effective than other colored floss when it comes to revealing and removing plaque, because I’ve used green and red floss and they do just fine, although I do have plaque that is as bountiful as a container of tartar sauce from Long John Silver’s, so it’s really easy to see and remove my plaque. But I guess since red attracts bulls and green attracts one-legged golddiggers, then blue should attract something too.

Like many people, I floss my teeth daily whenever I expect to make out with someone weekly whenever chicken gets stuck between my teeth the day before my dentist appointment less than I should, but there isn’t anything special about the Oral-B Indicator Floss that will cause me to change my oral hygiene habits. Even if it was made out of gold or had some kind of cross-promotion with High School Musical 3, it wouldn’t do much good to get people, like me, to floss more often. The only things this floss has to offer is a mild minty flavor, it’s easy to insert between teeth, it’s fray-resistant, and it can bring a smile to your dentist’s face if you use it more than once a week.

The Oral-B Indicator Floss does what it’s supposed to do — get rid of the plaque in between your teeth and below your gumline. The blue color does make it easier to see the gunk you’re removing and harder to see the blood from gums that aren’t used to flossing, but again, I’ve used cheaper red and green floss that does both things just as well.

Item: Oral-B Indicator Floss
Price: $2.47
Size: 50 m/55 yd
Purchased at: Wal-Mart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: It removes plaque. It’s minty flavored. It’s blue. Includes French translation on packaging. Easy to insert between teeth. Fray-resistant.
Cons: Kind of pricey for floss. Can get the same job done with other colored floss. The amount of plaque on my teeth. Nothing special that will make me want to floss more often. My poor flossing habits. High School Musical 3. Heather Mills. Bleeding gums.

Sarsi

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I’m a sucker for packaged foreign foods, like Mario is a sucker for gold coins and princesses who always get captured. It’s like I’m a less adventurous Anthony Bourdain, not willing to consume things that produces bodily fluids or things that are still alive.

I’m not sure why I get a kick out of packaged foreign foods. Perhaps it’s because they don’t have any English on them or because they’re measured in metric units or because I have a product review blog and am willing to stick almost anything into my mouth for reader approval. Whatever the reason, I was excited when I ran into this mysterious bottle of Sarsi at my local Filipino market in the refrigerated cases among the 20-ounce bottles of Pepsi and Coke.

At first, because it was stocked next to the cola juggernauts, I thought it was the Filipino equivalent of Pepsi and Coke, but after prying off the non-twist bottle cap and taking a sip of it, I was surprised to find out that it’s a root beer, albeit a flat tasting root beer that wasn’t very sweet.

According to Wikipedia, Sarsi is the number one root beer in the Philippines, outselling common American brands like Barq’s and Mug root beers. While the initial taste of Sarsi was like root beer, its aftertaste wasn’t as pleasant. If Barq’s Root Beer bites, then Sarsi grabs your hair, shoves your face into mud, and uses your tongue as a bulldozer. Its aftertaste was very earthy and it reminded me of the disgusting herbal toothpaste from Thailand I reviewed a few weeks ago.

I may not like the taste of Sarsi, but I do love the fact that it comes in a thick glass bottle that I can use to pretend I’m living in the 1950s with my leather jacket and pack of smokes rolled up in my t-shirt sleeve, and whenever the Sharks come by, I’ll shatter the bottle, turn it into shiv, and stab my own tongue with it, which would probably result in a taste in my mouth that is equal to or greater than Sarsi’s aftertaste. Although the bottle looks tall and would make a great shiv, it doesn’t hold a lot of liquid. If my metric conversion is correct, 240 mL is roughly around eight ounces, which is less than a can of soda, but my tongue can only tolerate those eight ounces of Sarsi.

Item: Sarsi
Price: $1.50
Size: 240 mL
Purchased at: A Filipino market
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: #1 root beer in the Philippines. No High Fructose Corn Syrup. Glass bottle makes a great shiv. Trying foreign products.
Cons: Flat root beer flavor. Not very sweet. Need a bottle opener or James Bond villain Jaws to open it. Only 240 mL. Aftertaste is earthy and is like shitty herbal toothpaste.

Wendy’s Flavor-Dipped Chicken Sandwiches (BBQ & Buffalo)

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Dipping a chicken patty into a sauce like you’re trying to get it to admit it’s a witch sounds like a great way to ensure there’s flavor in every bite, such is the case with the new Wendy’s Flavor-Dipped Chicken Sandwiches, but a sauce soaked piece of chicken is also a spectacular way to ruin an $80 shirt from Banana Republic or hide your mistress’ lipstick stain on your collar from your girlfriend/wife.

The Flavor-Dipped Chicken Sandwich comes in two flavors: BBQ and Buffalo. The BBQ version also consists of onions and pickles inside a bun, while the Buffalo version is also made up of lettuce, tomatoes, and a blue cheese sauce in between a bun. While both mostly have different ingredients, they have one thing in common — both are extremely fucking messy. After eating one, my hands were covered in enough sauce that it looked like I was the one who sensually massaged the sauce onto the chicken patty. A napkin was not enough to clean the mess, I needed a shower. Okay, I’m exaggerating a little bit, but I did use enough napkins to make an Ent cry.

The chicken patties for both sandwiches may have gotten dipped in sauce like a nerd’s head in a toilet, but the flavors weren’t as strong as I thought it would be. The BBQ sauce wasn’t very tangy and the Buffalo sauce wasn’t as spicy as Hooters wings. Although, the Buffalo sandwich might not have been too spicy because of the blue cheese sauce, which I didn’t even know it had until I researched the sandwich on the Wendy’s website. The pickles and onions in the BBQ version of the sandwich definitely enhanced its flavor and gave it a little more crunch, while the lettuce and tomatoes in the Buffalo one will allow some people to proclaim they had vegetables today.

Overall, both sandwiches were decent tasting, but I really expected more out of them, not only in taste, but also in size. These sandwiches weren’t very big, but I reckoned them to be because I paid almost five bucks for each of them. Apparently, not only is gas an expensive liquid, but so are BBQ and Buffalo sauces. So I guess I’d better hoard the stuff whenever I order Chicken McNuggets and scrape it off my $80 Banana Republic shirt whenever I spill some on it.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 sandwich – Buffalo – 530 calories, 220 calories from fat, 24 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 1840 milligrams of sodium, 510 milligrams of potassium, 52 grams of carbs, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 26 grams of protein, 15% Vitamin A, 10% Vitamin C, 10% Calcium, and 15% Iron. BBQ – 450 calories, 110 calories from fat, 12 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams trans fat, 40 milligrams cholesterol, 1430 milligrams sodium, 450 milligrams potassium, 60 grams carbs, 2 grams of fiber, 18 grams of sugar, 25 grams of protein, 2% Vitamin A, 8% Vitamin C, 8% Calcium, and 15% Iron.)

Item: Wendy’s Flavor-Dipped Chicken Sandwiches (BBQ & Buffalo)
Price: $4.69 each
Purchased at: Wendy’s
Rating: 6 out of 10 (BBQ)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Buffalo)
Pros: Decent tasting. Lots of sauce. BBQ one is “healthier” than Buffalo version. Wonderful source of protein. Pickles and onions in BBQ version. Lettuce and tomatoes are vegetables.
Cons: Flavors weren’t as strong as I expected for something that’s dipped in sauce. BBQ sauce wasn’t very tangy and Buffalo sauce wasn’t very spicy. Blue cheese sauce wasn’t very noticeable. Pricey for what you get. Extremely fucking messy. Making Ents cry. Wonderful source of sodium. Ruining an $80 Banana Republic shirt with sauce. Excessive napkin use. Trying to get a piece of chicken to admit it’s a witch.

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