REVIEW: KFC Chizza

/ / Reviews / 4 Comments

Junk food history lesson incoming: the U.S. is just the latest stop on Chizza’s world tour. KFC’s fried chicken/pizza hybrid debuted in the Philippines in 2015 and has appeared in several other countries since. For those of us who are encountering this limited-edition item for the first time, though, it is sure to inspire many questions, such as “How is it pronounced?” (I’ve heard “cheese-uh” but I’m partial to “cheat-za”) and “Isn’t it more similar to chicken parmesan than pizza?” (sure, but “Kentucky Fried Chicken Parmesan” wouldn’t sound as catchy).

Of course, the most important question is, “Is it any good?” My answer: it’s Chizz-amazing.

Unaware that it came in different sizes, I was caught off guard when the employee taking my order asked if I wanted a full or half order, but it all made sense when, after perplexedly opting for the full, I opened the box and was greeted by two massive fillets. An unsatisfying portion is a common reason for me to deduct points, but Chizza is in no danger of getting dinged in that regard. Even from under its dense coating of mozzarella, marinara sauce, and pepperoni, I could tell how plump and juicy the abundance of chicken was. And promisingly, the toppings were applied so generously that, for perhaps the first time in my reviewing career, my meal looked just like the one in the promotional pictures (even down to the barely melted strands of shredded cheese).

As a born-and-bred New Yorker, I’d never usually eat pizza with a fork and knife, but this was a special occasion—and this steamy, saucy behemoth was absolutely not finger food—so I cut right in and was rewarded with a beautiful bite.

Unsurprisingly, the chicken was pitch-perfect, succulent on the inside, and perfectly seasoned and crisped on the outside, but it shared its spotlight with the pizza ingredients quite magnanimously. On their own, they weren’t especially special — the cheese was slightly chalky, the herby flavor of the sauce was more of an aftertaste, and the surprisingly hot pepperoni was otherwise pretty straightforward — but mingling in one mouthful with that charming chicken, they came together to create the perfect proportions of savory, salty, and spicy.

I had been thrilled to try Chizza for the novelty appeal, but I hadn’t expected to genuinely love it. I think it worked so well because of how tender my chicken was. Fast food can be hit or miss, and if you happen to get unlucky with dry chicken, I can see this being a real slog. But since I was blessed with such a solid foundation, the toppings could really only enhance it. At that, they did a wonderful job.

Aside from a lame duck piece of chicken, the only other big complaint I can imagine is the fact that, unlike most other offerings from KFC, this one’s not easily portable. But I think even the most diehard on-the-go-eater would be wise to stop and smell the pepperoni; no matter how you slice it (or pronounce it), Chizza is worth sitting down for.

Purchased Price: $10.88
Size: Regular
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 820 calories, 47 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 195 milligrams of cholesterol, 2250 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, and 66 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Cheesy Chicken Crispanada

/ / Reviews / 3 Comments

While others were gearing up for the Super Bowl, I was busy with my own personal Super Bowl, the Taco Bell Live Más LIVE event, which featured a whole lot of product news, including the announcement of the limited-time-only Cheesy Chicken Crispanada, a delightful bit of wordplay whose combination of “crispy” and “empanada” lives gamely up to the legacy of such hero portmanteaus as the “quesarito.” But is its taste equally impressive?

As a quick, handheld, Mexican-inspired comfort food packed with carbs, meat, and cheese, this offering fits perfectly into Taco Bell’s menu, but that familiarity has the downside of rendering it not particularly exciting.

Though this is a savory snack (unlike Taco Bell’s previous empanada, the no-longer-available Caramel Apple variant—RIP), the fried dough coating glistened in a way that reminded me of sweet treats like zeppole or beignets. My first bite of the crispy corner had a surprisingly deep, almost nutty flavor. I had expected the outer shell to be little more than a vessel for what was within, so I was intrigued that it had such a distinctive character. And that snap when I bit into it certainly lived up to the crispiness promised by the name!

Of course, I couldn’t get the whole picture without tasting the inner contents. Unfortunately, I also couldn’t taste the inner contents without burning the heck out of my tongue (and my hand when I accidentally allowed some of the molten filling to leak out, but that can probably be chalked up to user error).

This delicacy was fittingly, as the kids would say, pretty fire. (For my fellow olds, that means it was good!) The seasoned shredded chicken swims in a sea of cheeses, of which my discerning palate could pick out two different types: orange and white. Taco Bell’s press release, helpfully, is a bit more specific—the blend contains cheddar, mozzarella, and “Monterey pepper jack.” (I thought “Monterey Jack” and “Pepper Jack” were two separate things, but eh, I’ll bite my already-burnt tongue.) The press release also sings the praises of the presence of garlic, tomato, and onion, but honestly, I didn’t notice those at all. Oh, and if you want to add some additional hot flavoring to that hot temperature, the Crispanada comes with a side of Spicy Ranch sauce.

This all tastes pretty yummy, so perhaps my biggest complaint is that the filling didn’t, well, fill the entire empanada. It was primarily slathered onto one side, leaving most of the meal hollow. That airiness, combined with a portion on the more diminutive side, means that if you’re trying to make a meal of this, you’ll probably want to order two. You could also just opt for the Cheesy Chicken Crispanada Deluxe Box, which, in addition to its namesake, nets you a Chalupa Supreme, Beefy 5-Layer Burrito, medium fountain drink, and an order of Cinnamon Twists.

Ultimately, this item isn’t revolutionary, but it doesn’t really need to be. Those who generally like Taco Bell’s cheesy, chicken-y confections will enjoy it, and those who don’t… well, at least they can look forward to everything else announced at Live Más LIVE, like Baja Blast gelato!

Purchased Price: $4.49
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 280 calories, 15 grams of fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 520 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 11 grams of protein.

REVIEW: KFC Smash’d Potato Bowl

/ / Reviews / 4 Comments

If you’re a fan of KFC’s Famous Bowls, get ready to be bowled over (heh) by the chicken chain’s newest offering, the similarly-themed-but-even-more-tater-filled Smash’d Potato Bowl. I get the line of thinking: fried chicken is often eaten with sides, which are often potato-based, and said potato-based sides often come with toppings, so why not give customers a meal that “smashes” all of these favorites together in one forkful (or, in the case of the utensil my local KFC provided, sporkful)?

This bowl begins with a base of mashed potatoes, which are then covered in a layer of fries, doused with cheese sauce, and then sprinkled with bacon bits. (The press release says there’s a three-cheese blend thrown in as well, but my meal gave no indication of that, so it was either really well-hidden or just not important enough to be remembered). You’ll notice that I didn’t actually mention chicken because it’s optional. If you opt for it, it comes in the form of five nuggets. Vegetarians, though they may not be KFC’s target audience, rejoice! … Oh, wait, there is still bacon even in the nugget-less variant, so vegetarians, stop rejoicing! Anyway, KFC’s nuggets are too “finger lickin’ good” for me to resist, so of course I had to add them.

All of these ingredients sound pretty promising, but unfortunately, throwing them together didn’t really wow me. In fact, what the haphazard mishmash made me think of more than anything was a school cafeteria lunch. The mashed potatoes were silky, pleasantly avoiding the grittiness and graininess that can sometimes creep in, but they had an odd aftertaste that made me want to focus on the other ingredients as much as possible. The fries were more delicious than I’d thought they’d be, crispy and savory on the outside but surprisingly and appealingly soft on the inside, but something about eating fries and mashed potatoes together did feel a bit ridiculous, even for an admittedly whimsical eater like me.

The thin, slightly tangy cheese sauce, to be frank, was gas-station quality. And while the bacon bits actually did impress me with how chewy and not-stringy they were, they were so concentrated in the center that the excess kept falling from my spork and getting lodged in the nooks and crannies of the bowl, so while they appeared pretty plentiful, most of them didn’t make it to my mouth. It didn’t shock me that KFC’s famous chicken, so juicy and zesty, was my favorite part by far, but it’s sad to think that the best bit of this is the one that’s optional.

KFC’s Smash’d Potato Bowl does deliver on the starch-stuffed combo it promises, but your mileage may vary: the more noticeable thing it delivered for me was a hankering for a plain old order of chicken and fries — hold the elusive bacon, synthetic-tasting mash, and underwhelming cheese, please.

Purchased Price: $7.61
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 760 calories. Other nutritional information was unavailable at the time of review.

REVIEW: Native Girl Scouts Trefoils Body Wash

/ / Reviews / 3 Comments

NATIVE sells body washes, deodorants, and shampoos, which, thanks to its pleasantly surprising new partnership with Girl Scouts, are now available for a limited time with the distinctive aromas of Thin Mints, Trefoils, or the still-evocative-but-slightly-less-signature scents of Coconut Caramel, Peanut Butter, and Lemon. Their bottles cheerfully explain that “Girl Scouts shower the world with kindness and optimism,” and so the point of this unexpected crossover is to “Bring that can-do energy to your day.” Fair enough — few things in this world put me in a more positive mood than cookies, after all.

Amidst such a sea of choices, I committed to the Trefoils Body Wash, which attractively combines my favorite Girl Scout cookie with the toiletry I’m most likely to have somehow just run out of AGAIN.

To get to the heart of this review: how did the body wash taste?

Kidding, kidding!

NATIVE’s website describes this as “a scrumptious shortbread scent \[that] blends notes of vanilla, lemon, and buttercream.” I describe it as “sickly sweet,” but I don’t necessarily even mean it negatively. If you’re buying a body wash based on a sugary snack, I assume you’re into that kind of thing, but just stopping at “sweet” isn’t enough. I really do need to stress that this is so overwhelmingly strong-smelling that I half-expected that I’d be trailed by a hoard of hungry Keebler Elves after using it. Of the notes listed, I detected buttercream the most, as the smell is undoubtedly… well, buttery and creamy. Vanilla was definitely discernible too, though I can’t say I made out more than maaaaybe the tiniest whiff of lemon as an afterthought. If I’d had to smell this without knowing what it was, though, I probably would have guessed birthday cake — it reminded me more than anything of a super-saccharine, sprinkles-and-frosted-loaded milkshake.

I really wanted to see how accurate this was to the scent of an actual Trefoil cookie, But sadly, Girl Scouts aren’t set to start hawking their wares in my area for another month, so I did what any desperate dessert fan would do and sought out a copycat recipe for comparison instead. My homemade “tre-faux-ls” were not quite as picturesque as the real thing, but their scent wasn’t extremely far from that of the body wash — it was just way less heavy on that cloying buttercream.

As a food reviewer, I don’t think I’m super qualified to comment on more about this dye-free body wash than its cookie-ish-ness; I did like the texture and feeling of cleanliness after using it, but the gimmick of being themed after a beloved nostalgic treat was really the draw for me, so I can’t truly say how this would stack up against more traditional body washes.

If the prospect of smelling like a giant baked good and craving one every time you catch a whiff of yourself unsettles you, I would not recommend buying anything from this NATIVE x Girl Scouts collab. But if, like me, you’re seeking a signature scent as tasty as your favorite tidbit, there’s a lot to like here. Just remember, as the bottle ever-so-helpfully disclaims: “Our scents are sweet, but do not eat.”

Purchased Price: $9.84
Size: 18 fl oz bottle
Rating: 7 out of 10
Purchased at: Target

REVIEW: Sonic Peanut Butter Bacon Shake

/ / Reviews / 3 Comments

Sonic has rolled out two new limited edition Peanut Butter Bacon items, a shake and a cheeseburger, though perhaps fortunately for my nerves (which can only handle so much adventurous eating in one day), I’ll just be reviewing the shake here.

Let me be upfront: it’s not as strange as you may be afraid (or hoping) it will be. That’s because the bacon doesn’t really dominate the experience… though neither does the peanut butter.

The Peanut Butter Bacon Shake has a base of vanilla ice cream, which is understandable logistically speaking — Sonic’s a fast food joint, not an ice cream parlor capable of offering a gazillion unique flavors— but leads to the undeniable fact that it tastes more like its vanilla foundation than the mix-ins that are supposed to be featured. It also doesn’t help that the thick, creamy texture of the peanut butter doesn’t exactly blend in seamlessly with vanilla ice cream that has a thick, creamy texture too but also has the advantage of being present in a much higher quantity. If the peanut butter component came from something more mixable, like a syrup or even just a bunch of Reese’s Pieces, I think it would make much more of an impact, but as is, the smudges of peanut butter flavor only come through in small, infrequent, slightly unsatisfying doses.

You’ll notice I haven’t even mentioned the bacon yet, and that’s because it is similarly outshined. It comes in the form of well-cooked bits, a mix of larger, crispy dark red pieces and smaller, slightly chewier lighter ones, which are scattered liberally atop the rich, thick whipped topping (wimpy whipped cream it is not!) that crowns the shake. That looks cool, but sort of separates the bacon from the rest of the experience.

Yes, you could stab your straw directly into a batch of bacon bits and suck them all up at once for a rush of salty meatiness, but I’m guessing you’ll probably just do what I did, which was sip the shake without positioning the straw any particular way, resulting in mostly bacon-less sips (some bits were swirled up throughout the shake, but not enough that it really affected the flavor) with the bits on top gradually sinking to the bottom to be dealt with once the rest of the shake is gone. If we’re being pedantic, the whole thing felt more like a “Vanilla Shake with Peanut Butter Swirl and Bacon on Top” than a true “Peanut Butter Bacon Shake.”

The shake’s texture, though, was sublime; it hit my sweet spot of being thick enough that I had to work a little to drink it through the straw but not too thick that a spoon was required. And aside from its outsized presence, I don’t have any complaints about the vanilla ice cream.

Overall, this isn’t a bad product. It’s just a little odd, not daring enough to scratch the itch for novelty seekers, but maybe still a bit too weird for those seeking a classic milkshake. The few who fall into the grey area in between will likely enjoy it, but let’s just say I’m not holding my breath for this to earn a permanent place on the menu.

Purchased Price: $6.09
Size: Medium
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: Unavailable at the time of review.

Scroll to Top