REVIEW: Starbucks Cinnamon Pull-Apart

Starbucks Cinnamon Pull-Apart closeup

Starbucks may be synonymous with coffee, but the chain isn’t exactly known for its less drinkable menu options. With the holidays in full swing, the java giant is trying to change that perception with offerings like the Cinnamon Pull-Apart, which is basically a product that’s half croissant and half mini-cinnamon rolls fused together. In essence, it’s a monkey bread pastry in a fancy little sleeve.

Starbucks Cinnamon Pull-Apart pulled apart

The Pull-Apart itself is kind of hard to describe. Or at least harder to describe than I anticipated. To the untrained eye, it might be confused for a slightly larger muffin than normal. It’s not until you’re actually holding it in your hand that you realize the item is actually multiple baked goods in one package, and even then, you may not immediately recognize it as a cinnamon roll-like comestible. Of course, the scent is unmistakable — it may not look like a regular old cinnamon roll, but it definitely smells like one.

Starbucks Cinnamon Pull-Apart closer up

As for the taste, it’s a lot of good and a few minor quibbles. For starters, it’s a pretty hefty little croissant, with a nice speckling of sugar and a hearty smattering of streusel — which you might know by its less artistic culinary namesake, “crumb topping.” My Pull-Apart had about five, maybe five-and-a-half little croissant balls wedged together, and I was actually surprised by how filling the seemingly lightweight snack was. This thing has some weight to it, so if you’re eating it as a post-breakfast tide-me-over, don’t be surprised if it wipes out the need for lunch altogether. It’s hearty stuff, especially when you pair it with a venti dark roast with four protein shots and extra oat milk.

Starbucks Cinnamon Pull-Apart single part pulled

There’s not that much variation between fast food cinnamon rolls (and let’s be real, they can call these things whatever they want, they’re still cinnamon rolls), and I’d contend that this is one of the better ones I’ve tried from a big-name, national brand. Obviously, it’s not as good as something you’d get from a “real” bakery, but it’s pretty respectable stuff all the same. It nails just the right balance between crispy and chewy, which has always been the Achilles’ heel of similar products. It’s got a lot of flavor without being too overwhelming, which makes it a solid choice for a (relatively) low-calorie fast food snack.

As for the product’s biggest downside, let me sum it up in one word: frosting. Or more accurately, the lack of frosting. I can understand why Starbucks would’ve taken a “healthier” approach with these things, but if you’re buying cinnamon rolls from a drive-thru window, you don’t just expect adequate amounts of icing, you demand it. The lack of dipping sauce here is just unconscionable — especially with so many holiday tie-in flavors to take advantage of this time of year.

And yes, I know that monkey bread is traditionally served sans frosting. But if you’re gonna sell a baked good with “cinnamon” in its name, be prepared for customers to inevitably compare it to a cinnamon roll.

The Pull-Apart is good, perhaps even better than I expected. But it’s nothing you haven’t tried before. The concept’s got promise, though — a PSL glaze on these things would be awesome.

Purchased Price: $3.25
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 300 calories — 13 grams of total fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 mg of cholesterol, 350 mg of sodium, 38 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein

REVIEW: Taco Bell Mountain Dew Baja Blast Pie

Taco Bell Mountain Dew Baja Blast Pie box

Fast food really isn’t about food. Really, it’s more like an edible form of pop culture. And nothing demonstrates that more than the existence of the co-branded Taco Bell Mountain Dew Baja Blast Pie.

It’s a 2,500-calorie-plus novelty dessert that nearly tips the scales at two pounds when it’s still in the box. It’s not really marketed as something you eat as much as it is an experience. That’s doubly reinforced by its steep $20 asking price; there may not be a vast market for something like this, but there’s definitely some kind of consumer demand for it. (Just so you know, I could still hear my local TB representative through the drive-thru speaker after I placed my order: “Hey, some [expletive deleted] is actually buying one of these things!”)

Taco Bell Mountain Dew Baja Blast Pie top

I’ve got a feeling people are going to pick these up just for the packaging alone. And to be fair, it is pretty cool looking. I can easily see the boxes fetching a pretty penny on eBay in about ten years.

But what about the pie itself? Well, all in all … it isn’t bad.

Taco Bell Mountain Dew Baja Blast Pie teal color

Probably the first thing you’ll notice about the pie is its rich teal color. It’s not quite the same color as the beverage it’s named after, but it’s pretty close to it. The instructions on the box suggest leaving the pie out to thaw for about four hours, with the explicit recommendation that you don’t microwave it. I can’t think of a reason why you physically couldn’t put it in an oven and bake it, though — but just to play it safe, I took Taco Bell’s advice and patiently waited for my pie to unfreeze itself.

The aroma of the pie is unmistakable. It’s Baja Blast scented, alright, with just a little sherbet ice cream smell in there. Even if you had no idea what the product was supposed to be, if you get a big whiff of it, you should automatically deduce that it’s a Mountain Dew derivative.

The pie has a nice, sturdy Graham cracker crust, with a couple of flourishes of whipped topping encircling it like a halo. It’s obviously not a rush job either, as somebody definitely took their time making the creamy border look as pretty as possible. Aesthetically, it’s a lot nicer than I anticipated.

Taco Bell Mountain Dew Baja Blast Pie slice

Now, the moment of truth: the taste test.

It’s a fairly unusual product, but I guess we all knew that heading into it. With the first couple of bites, all I got was a super tart, key lime pie flavor. But the more I chewed, the more the Baja Blast flavor made itself apparent. Granted, it’s not a perfect one-to-one replication of the Baja Blast taste, but it’s an impressive recreation all the same. The texture and mouthfeel of the pie filling kinda reminded me of a thick sorbet, or maybe an extra chewy gelato. And it syncs up shockingly well with the aforementioned crust and whipped topping. The co-branding gimmick aside, it actually IS a real pie, and a surprisingly pleasant one at that.

Objectively, you can’t tout the pie too much. It’s way too pricey even for a novelty product, and I probably wouldn’t want to eat one of these every week. But overall, I’d consider it an unexpectedly decent fast food dessert item — even if it does open the floodgates for an inevitable wave of cola-flavored comestible imitators.

Purchased Price: $19.99
Size: 30.4 ounces
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: One serving (eight servings per container) — 320 calories, 13 grams of total fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans far, 15 mg of cholesterol, 200 mg of sodium, 46 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 32 grams of sugar (including 26 grams of added sugar), and 5 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Candy Bar Signature Latte

Dunkin’s Candy Bar Signature Latte Hot Cup

Dunkin’ ain’t messing around this Halloween. It *knows* that this time of year, you have to go big or go home. We’re at a point where excessive isn’t excessive enough anymore. Pretty much anybody can walk into an executive board room meeting at any major restaurant chain in America, describe the most outlandish and preposterous menu item imaginable and there’s at least a 50/50 chance they’ll actually mass release it.

In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s how the Candy Bar Signature Latte came into existence.

Dunkin’s Candy Bar Signature Latte toppings

The gimmick of the latte is pretty obvious. When it says “candy bar,” it MEANS it. You’ve got the requisite whipped topping, and atop that, you’ve got a purée of all kinds of name-brand candies I don’t think Dunkin’ is legally allowed to mention in its advertising materials. But as soon as you taste it, you know what you’re chomping into. It’s pretty much an edible Where’s Waldo painting of various ice cream toppings — M&Ms (or “multi-color chocolate candies,” if you’re trying to avert a lawsuit), bits of pretzel, some little toffee chunks and pulped chips of what I’m pretty sure are supposed to be bite-size Heath bars. Basically, if you turned a trick-or-treat bag upside down and dumped it into a cup of hot cocoa, it would look a lot like this latte from Dunkin.’

Now, there are two varieties of Candy Bar Signature Latte. The iced version is obviously the more Instagrammable version. But I went with the standard hot latte iteration … which was a mistake on my part.

Dunkin’s Candy Bar Signature Latte topping melting

It’s thermodynamics 101. If you put something really cold on top of something really hot, it’s only a matter of time until one of ‘em gives. By the time I pulled out of the Dunkin’ drive-thru lane and made it back to my place, that beautiful, Willy Wonka-like tapestry had melted into a puddle resembling the atmosphere of Jupiter, complete with melted chocolate husks and soggy, shriveled pretzel pieces bobbing up and down like condemned souls in the river Styx. I used the Where’s Waldo reference earlier — give it about three minutes and you’ll have your own Hieronymus Bosch painting in the same cup.

Dunkin’s Candy Bar Signature Latte candy bits

So yeah, word to the wise — definitely go with the iced latte version here.

Dunkin’s Candy Bar Signature Latte bottom of the cup

Ultimately, it’s not a bad beverage, just sort of a surprisingly muted one. With all of the ingredients in the cup, you’d think it would have a really distinct taste, but the hot chocolate flavor kinda dominates everything else. So it’s more like a slightly souped-up hot chocolate with pieces of toffee you get to occasionally chew on. That might be some people’s idea of a good time, but yeah, it’s not for me.

This is another example of fast food aesthetics over fast food quality. It looks cool and the novelty is appealing, but as something you actually consume, it’s surprisingly mundane. How a beverage with THIS much stuff in it tastes so much like an ordinary, run of the mill mocha latte is almost inspiring; but I guess no matter how much whipped cream and M&M’s you put on top of something, a Dunkin’ latte is still just a Dunkin’ latte.

Purchased Price: $5.99
Size: Large
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 560 calories, 18 grams of total fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 310 milligrams of sodium, 83 grams of total carbohydrates, 75 grams of sugars, 16 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Checkers/Rally’s Fully Loaded Fries Bacon Steak Sub

Checkers Fully Loaded Fries Steak Sub

I don’t know who dreamed up the idea of putting fries inside of every fast food sandwich, wrap, crepe, and pupusa imaginable, but whoever that person is, rest assured, he or she is my hero.

Carrying on the proud tradition of L-T-Os like Taco Bell’s Buffalo Chicken Nacho Fries Burrito is the latest and greatest potato-stuffed fast food roll-up from Checkers/Rally’s, the newfangled Fully Loaded Fries Bacon Steak Sub. As the name implies, the product consists of all the usual Philly cheesesteak ingredients — albeit, sans the onions and with some good old American cheese subbed in for the more traditional Swiss.

Also in the mix is a decent Montreal Au Jus mayonnaise (which I think we can all agree is way better than the kind they make in Quebec City), an ample amount of bacon and, of course, a sizable smattering of the fast food favorite’s beloved “Famous Seasoned Fries,” all wedged inside of a lightly microwaved — I mean, “toasted” — hoagie roll.

This is definitely a fast food novelty that proves the validity of the expression “big surprises come in small packages.” When I ordered my sub, I was kinda’ disappointed by how small the sandwich was. From end to end, the thing is barely six inches long, but I promise you, there is a LOT of meat, cheese, sauce, and French fry hanging out inside the roll.

Checkers Fully Loaded Fries Steak Sub Closeup

By now, you really don’t need me to tell you how great Checkers/Rally’s fries are — even though they end up getting a tad soggy amidst all the other ingredients, they still taste fantastic here. And the steak strands, while perhaps a bit too stringy for some, are nonetheless chewy, juicy, and flavorful. To me, the bacon was good, but not great — I don’t know if that’s attributable to too much salt, but when all else fails, I’m always the first to blame sodium for everything.

I wasn’t too enamored by the American cheese, which was practically frapped with my order. And the Au Jus juice — while a welcome condiment in today’s Sriracha-this/Boom Boom Sauce-that fast food marketplace — didn’t strike me as anything truly noteworthy. This sub would have benefitted from having an entirely different sauce in the mix — a nice mesquite BBQ sauce or tangy honey mustard would’ve been my preferred accoutrements.

While it would’ve been nice to see the fast food chain make this sucker as ingredient heavy as its Philly Cheesesteak Sub forerunner, for just $4 and some change this isn’t a bad little pick-me-up at all. It’s fairly unique and quite filling, and best of all? You don’t even have to worry about finding a place to stow away your carton of fries — because they’re like, already in there, man.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Checkers
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 630 calories, 300 calories from fat, 34 grams of total fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of fiber, 29 grams of protein, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 1520 milligrams of sodium, 52 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of sugar

REVIEW: Burger King Rodeo Stacker King

Burger King Rodeo Stacker King

Anybody who’s been following my reviews for a while knows that I am just about the biggest fan out there of “western” themed cheeseburgers. Indeed, many nights I have lamented the loss of my beloved Checker’s Wild West Bacon Cheeseburger, to the point I’m *this* close to starting a national petition to bring it back a la and McDonald’s limited-time-only .

So, despite the colossal calorie-count, I went into Burger King’s newfangled Rodeo Stacker King with a tune in my heart and a rumbling in my stomach. A short-lived test-market item from earlier this year, the Rodeo Stacker King has officially gone nationwide, and if you have a hankering for hefty hamburgers, you definitely ought to lend me your ears right about now.

The towering, edible monument of meat-stuff comes in three tiers; the single patty variety, the double-patty variety, and the virtually health insurance-policy canceling triple stacker permutation, whose caloric payload HAS to be teetering on the brink of 2,000.

As for the burger itself, you’re getting all of the expected ingredients. There’s BK’s iconic flame-grilled beef patties shellacked with a nice, molten American cheese blanket, topped with a hearty handful of crispy smoked bacon, sprinkled with a handful of deep-fried onion rings, and doused, naturally, in a generous dollop of sweet-and-tangy BBQ sauce with a little bit of the proprietary Stacker Sauce smeared on the sesame seed buns for good measure.

Burger King Rodeo Stacker King Bacon Closeup

Well, needless to say, this thing is INSANELY filling. I opted for the single-patty version, and about halfway through it, I was feeling the dreaded “itis” taking effect. You are getting a ton of food with this thing even in its economy-class format, and if you have a fondness for beef and/or bacon, you will probably adore this one.

Of course, the big selling point of the burger is its smattering of BBQ sauce, and this stuff is undeniably excellent. Some may not like its sugariness, but I thought it complemented the rest of the sodium-encrusted contents rather well. And that admixture of the BBQ sauce and the Stacker Sauce takes this to another level. I can’t describe the combination in one or two words, but it has a taste and texture you usually don’t experience in big chain fast food places.

And perhaps best of all? As sloppy as the product looks, it’s nowhere near as messy as you might think. I don’t think I got spatter anywhere on my khakis, which might be a first for any visit I’ve had at the King over the last three or four years.

Burger King Rodeo Stacker King Onion Rings Closeup

The burger does have its drawbacks, however. For one thing, I thought the volume of crispy onion rings was a little low, and they do tend to get a tad too soggy underneath that deluge of sauces. Furthermore, for north of $6, I don’t feel like I got something all that revolutionary when it comes to western-themed burgers. Yes, it’s quite tasty and satisfying, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t necessarily provide you with a gustatory experience you’ve never had before.

Burger King Rodeo Stacker King Bites

Overall, I’d say it’s probably on par with Hardee’s Six Dollar Western X-Tra Bacon Thickburger. But sadly, it doesn’t quite live up to the lofty standards set by Checker’s undeservedly discontinued “western” burger from yesteryear. You know exactly what you’re getting with an LTO burger like this one — and that’s both its greatest attribute AND its biggest weakness.

Purchased Price: $5.99
Size: Single patty
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: Not listed on the official Burger King website, but here’s the stats for the fairly similar BK Rodeo King sandwich — 1,250 calories, 738 calories from fat, 82 grams of fat, 31 grams of saturated fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 3.5 grams of trans fat, 2,270 milligrams of sodium, 69 grams of carbs, 14 grams of sugar, 60 grams of protein.

Scroll to Top